Last night I suffered a nightmare. I dreamt that candy corn crops around the world had simultaneously failed and farmers were forced to plant onions in their place. Halloween, as you can imagine, smelled terrible.
The reason I had this dream was because inside of my body, an unsatisfactory dinner was destroying me. I can?t even remember what we had but it wasn?t something I?d serve a small child unless I hated them. Usually I supervise dinnertime by standing directly underfoot but yesterday I trusted my family not to disappoint me. Wrong again.
Once a meal is made, adults will serve it whether it is successful or not because of pride. I?m here to say that with a little doctoring, any meal can go from disgusting to delicious. It?s easy! Put your beverage down and let?s begin!
Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes with Glazed Carrots
Step 1: Put the glazed carrots in a microwave-safe bowl and throw them in the outside trash.
Step 2: Cut your meatloaf into slices and roll them on a cutting board until they become hot dogs.
Step 3: Spread the mashed potatoes on a large plate. Cut into sticks. Put the sticks in the oven. Bake until french fries happen.
Step 4: Serve the hot dogs (no buns) and fries to your happy family.
Almond-Crusted Halibut and Green Beans
Step 1: Give the green beans to a homeless individual.
Step 2: Take the almonds off of the halibut.
Step 3: Put the halibut on a clean surface.
Step 4: Ask yourself what halibut is.
Step 5: Google ?halibut? on your home computer.
Step 6: Hold back your tears when you find out.
Step 7: Gently place halibut in the outside trash next to the carrots.
Step 8: Order tacos.
You?ve probably picked up your beverage. Put it back down.
?Tuna Noodle Casserole?
Step 1: Take the Tuna Noodle Casserole out of the oven.
Step 2: Arrange sticks of dynamite.
Step 3: Go outside.
Step 4: Explode your house.
Step 5: Go to Sizzler or a buffet.
Chicken Pot Pie
Step 1: Put Chicken Pot Pie on the table.
Step 2: Buy a regular delicious pie.
Step 3: Put a large blanket over Chicken Pot Pie.
Step 4: Eat regular pie.
Step 1: When you start smelling smells, take Beef Stroganoff off of the stove.
Step 2: Pour Beef Stroganoff over fresh pasta, potatoes, or rice who cares.
Step 3: Place individual servings on plates.
Step 4: Say goodbye to your neighbors.
Step 5: Walk home.
Step 6: Enjoy toast and 100% juice with your family.
Gingered Pork Chops in Orange Juice
Step 1: Apologize to the orange juice.
Step 2: Get a skateboard.
Step 3: Arrange Gingered Pork Chops in Orange Juice on skateboard.
Step 4: Give it a hard push
Step 5: Run.
Congrats, a million times, congrats! What we did there is called compromising. You get to enjoy cooking and your toddler gets to enjoy being alive. What you need to remember is that just because people live with you doesn?t mean you get to hurt them with food. Does that make sense?
You are loved. You are appreciated. You?re also warned lol.
If you need help finding tacos, do not turn to Pinterest where bad ideas are rewarded with attention. See below.
Tacos in a Mason Jar
What type of tomfoolery is this.? ????????->
I suppose come dinner time you just throw it against a wall and try to find meat amongst the shards. You?ll need long pants and gloves for this adventure.
Someone said to themselves, ?Tacos would be perfect if we just replaced the shell with glass.?
It already has 11 repins so that means 11 families are in the emergency room.
September 23, 2012